Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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