Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
