I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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