im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
