I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
