Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
