My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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