Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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