just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize