id be glad to
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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