did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
