I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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