Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize