Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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