Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
