I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize