with your own penis?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
