Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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