Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
