i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
