i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize