but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
