susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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