i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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