Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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