Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
