Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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