I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
