i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize