nut hugger
my sisters under your porch take her home
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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