don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
