Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we're making bets on your personal life
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
