if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
