I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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