Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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