Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Randomize
