If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
