So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
