I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
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