So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize