giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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