Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
