I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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