YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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