now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
