just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
