I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
