why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
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