My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
