you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
