you guys were way drunker than both of me
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Welp...herpes.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
