id be glad to
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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