how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I think people are normalizing furries
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
