she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
