I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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