Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize