I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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