You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
