too bad you live with your parents still
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
