and you said cock pushups were impossible
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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