i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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