Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
