mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
