It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize