I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize