I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
