he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
