I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize